Lately I’ve been finding myself falling into extreme anger, which leads into panic attacks and severe depression. I try to deal with it and not do anything stupid, but it’s started happening at work and around my friends. Idk what to do with myself anymore, it feels like I’m being pulled in every which way and direction all of the time, and it’s generating a lot of low self esteem. I want to ask for help but it doesn’t seem like anybody notices me struggling most of the time.
This goes right in line with what i just told the previous person we are going through a lot of karmic releasing right now and in turn it’s making for some heavy ego patterns resurfacing. You just have to stay present, work on your chakras especially the solar plexus, keep that belly in balance ;).
I suffered from lack of direction for awhile too but then i realized maybe that IS just it. Maybe the source of true ambition is that there is no ambition anyway because everything is futile, life is about being love, happy, loved, and doing what you enjoy doing not what you are forced to do. following your bliss 🙂
I think i have come to a point where if i keep throwing my ambitions into the future they will never manifest into the present, i need to stay present to manifest anything. So really society has it sooo backwards and wrong, we project our ideas so far into future thinking that they lose their energy through the illusion of timespace. There IS NO direction. WE ARE THE DIRECTION. Society is constantly fixated on this goal of trying to get somewhere, cars enabling us to constantly drive somewhere, to GO somewhere, we are always running and running, rushing and hurrying and trying to get somewhere, where ARE we going? There is no where to go, people are so fixated on this idea of goals and destinations that they lose themselves in the process of manifestation of their own personal desires. They lose themselves within their jobs, within their school, within their studies within their dreams sooo much that all they are doing is chasing their tails. I see it a lot, i say this a lot because i see it sooo much that there needs to be an end to this madness.
Osho was right in sooo many ways. Maybe this quote will help you in the same way it helped me. It’s a passage from one of his books.
Everything is futile. One has to understand this. If you don’t understand it, you will always remain in illusion. Everything is futile and in life there is no progress, no improvement, because life is eternally there. Life is already perfect.
All that you try to do to make it more perfect is futile, but it takes time to realise it. Now you are feeling stuck. You can do two things. You can change your style of life and then for a few days again you will be on a honeymoon – hopes and desires and ambitions… and the possibility of tomorrow again becomes alive. But after a few days that tomorrow never comes. Again you are stuck and the whole thing again becomes routine.
It is just like when you love a woman. The honeymoon over, the love is over. By the end of the honeymoon you are again seeking and searching for another woman. But you can go on in this way from one honeymoon to another but it is not going to help in any way. You have to realise that there is nothing to achieve in life. Life is not goal-oriented. Life is eternally herenow. It is already perfect. It cannot be improved upon.
Once you realise this, then there is no future, no hope, no desire, and no ambition. You live this moment; you enjoy and delight in it.
The feeling of stuckness is coming because you still have ambition left in the mind. That ambition is creating the frustration that nothing is improving – but there is nothing to be improved! The trees are happy because they don’t try to improve. They don’t listen to any foolish sermons of Vincent Peale or others. They don’t bother at all about the future.
Look at life. Everything is so delighted, right this moment. So be delighted. This time, don’t change and don’t create another illusion. If you are feeling stuck, feel stuck. But tell the mind, ‘Now I am not going to create another dream for you so that you are riding on the wind again for a few days. No more !’
Live with this stuckness and try to understand why you feel it. You are feeling it because you are always keeping a goal ahead. You have to reach somewhere, you have to go somewhere. Where? Life is here – where are you going? There is nowhere to go.
Once you understand that, the stuckness will melt away. It is created by you, by your idea that one should be always growing, always growing. Where will you reach by always growing? Now you are mature enough to understand that life has no meaning in the future. The meaning is intrinsic, herenow, in the present.
So enjoy your food, enjoy the woman you love, enjoy your work, enjoy your sleep, and forget all about the future. Then the stuckness will melt by itself. Nothing is to be done. It is not a problem. The problem is deeper than your stuckness. The problem is that you are still hankering; the mind is greedy.
One day everybody has to come to that point and to realise, ‘What nonsense am I doing with my life? – wasting it in improving it while it is already perfect.’
That’s what I mean when I say that you are gods – nothing is to be done.
Delight in the fact of your being. Enjoy the way you are and enjoy the world that’s available to you. Then each moment becomes a diamond in itself. Life is no more a means. Each moment is an end unto itself. That’s what Jesus means when he says ‘Think not of the morrow’.
For one month, live in the moment, and even if you feel that stuckness, let it remain there. Nothing is to be done. Tell it, ‘Okay, I accept you, but I am not going to do anything. I am going to live moment to moment.’ And enjoy yourself. For one month, without any goal, without the achieving mind constantly boiling within, without any desire, simply live. That’s what a religious man is.
You are struggling with finding a direction because you have found the ultimate paradox of life, there IS no direction. Life is about doing what you love and being happy in the present. It is not about accomplishing goals or trying to be successful, that is all just symbolism but while this statement is a strong one and makes you feel like your suddenly a derealization it is actually much more powerful than the ego’s self. WE are the mind of the imagination of ourselves. There is no direction because YOU create your reality with your thoughts and you are teh one that is causing your own directions, your own fears, your own dreams, everything this is all impacted by you for everything that is external is a projection of what is internal and we are all connected within this web to realize this is the true reality.
Life is not about the destination it’s about the journey and it always has been, it’s just a matter of realizing there is no where to go except right now, right here, in this moment, forever. you are alive, eternally and life is about connectivity, unity and transformation. The chain ball of synchroncity is what we are and we are nothing but the ripple effect in ecstatic motion circulating into deeper awareness of ourselves, together as one <3