Now see when we don’t want to let go what is unconsciously happening is you’re facing things that are out of your control. The things you are telling me all point to this: the anger, outbursts, emotional problems, feeling others are doing these things to hurt you these all point back to control. The Solar Plexus. the place where the maturation of the ego happens, how we identify our self in the world and our will power. You need to let go and realize these things are not in your control. You can’t control other peoples actions or situations but you can learn to control your own. I remember when i lived by myself and i was struggling paycheck to paycheck contemplating if i needed to spend my last 20 dollars on gas to get to work or groceries. And i was sooo upset with myself, angry at myself because i didn’t know what to do and then i realized i can’t do anything about this situation right now, it’s out of my control. I have 20 dollars to last me until next payday but i also have to accept it. forgive myself and realize it happens. Strangely i prayed to the universe to help me out and the next day my mom gave me some money for gas and took me shopping. See the universe has our back always! It just might materialize in a different way than you originally thought.
So you have to see that when we’re angry about situations out of our control, the only thing we can do is learn to let go, forgive and Accept our current circumstances. It doesn’t matter how many times a day you meditate, if you are not letting go and encountering acceptance, your problems will not go away. When you can’t let go you are telling yourself, i don’t accept change, i don’t accept the flow and i don’t accept myself. You are the one in control of your will power to be able to let go is telling yourself you’re willing to forgive and accept yourself for who you are right here in the present.
It honestly sounds like what you are going through is due to the kundalini awakening, when we begin meditation we are opening the doorway into understanding our own energy body and soul. Once that door opens, it only leads to an abundance of more doors opening within yourself. Once we awaken the kundalini, we can never go back to the old way of thinking. It’s a journey of self-discovery and realization which isnt always easy but inevitably will lead to peace and revelation. Be kind to yourself and the universe will respond back in the only way it knows how <3
Hope things get better soon!
love and healing <3