Mindset Monday: The Illusion of Control

Wow cosmic loves, I have such a good one today! This mindset Monday i'm sharing a bit of a vulnerable story on how our emotional breakdowns really can create tremendous breakthroughs. Today we're talking about how the illusion of control can unconsciously sabotage our efforts and even rule our lives without us knowing. Let me know your thoughts on this topic in the comments!

Wow cosmic loves, I have such a good one today!

Recently I was in a bit of a funk, i’m almost done with the ecourse project so it’s been feeling like a bit like holding myself back yet hanging on the edge (I can’t wait to share these tools!!!).

Anyway the strangest synchronicity kept showing up which I’ll go into deeper in a moment. However as I mentioned in the newsletter Jupiter just went direct so everything we’ve been internally processing concerning ambitions/self-value literally flipped over and started expanding outward into our external world. This for me felt like an intense bridge crossing, I began to see one of the biggest illusions of them all – How we let the illusion of control run our life.

I’m really happy to share this one with you and I hope it shakes your soul today. I’d love to here your insight in the comments too!

Alright so I had the funniest things started happening to me – I began having this deja vu experience where every weekend we’d literally do the exact same thing.

The kids would get crazy into a sibling fight, we’d end up yelling at them, feeling stressed out with eachother, then we’d go to the grocery store – cycle and repeat. It got to the point where my body just felt off, I was drained, unmotivated and I knew something was up.

I also always note what symbolism is showing up in my life – it means something is going on internally. My inner and outer world were conflicting but why? So I started developing a new mindful practice each morning where I wrote questions to higher self to seek clarity.

The door started opening for me – giving me a lot of advice on what I need to personally change.

The main question that really opened the door was this:

What resistance patterns do I still need to let go? 

I began to write:

– Expectations
– Trying to control the outcome

That’s it. 

Wow cosmic loves, I have such a good one today! This mindset Monday i'm sharing a bit of a vulnerable story on how our emotional breakdowns really can create tremendous breakthroughs. Today we're talking about how the illusion of control can unconsciously sabotage our efforts and even rule our lives without us knowing.   Let me know your thoughts on this topic in the comments!ENERGETICALLY HOLDING ON

In many ways I thought I was over this storyline, but then I didn’t see the simplicity I was missing. When we get in our own way through energetically holding onto what we *think we know* about the outcome, whether it’s due to a person, a situation or even our future timeline.

We’re holding ourselves up alone. we’re unconsciously trying to control our external circumstances.

I’ve felt this in other circumstances when someone suggests I need to read this book or watch this video but I give the classic line “but I already know this” – not realizing that maybe I just need to revisit it to gain a new sight from a different perspective.

In this way when we’re being open to all perceptions it leaves open the door to new insight.

As many of you know I don’t see the ego as bad, I see it as a teacher showing us how we can personally transform our perceptions. It’s all choice. So I began to question why this kept showing up for me and why I kept tripping over it to the point of hitting a wall.

Well things kept getting weirder – my love lost his keys, then the neighbor randomly gave them back to us. My daughter broke a glass – shattering all over the bathroom.

If you’re not a symbolism junkie – breaking glass means shattering the illusions we hold. Then even more bizarre – my kids broke our screen door! The screen was broken through to the other side.

The illusion was broken.

Then here’s where it gets trippy – I looked at my notes from earlier this year and read something I totally forgot about, it said:

“Release your plan, Surrender to the Divine Plan”

I don’t even remember when I wrote that or why – only that it was necessary to remember.

Around this time, Someone I was talking to mentioned that I should check out the book Power of Now by Eckhart tolle. At first I mentioned to her – “Yeah I know all of this, I read this book back in 2011” but then I began to rethink what I said and realized spirit was trying to show me something I needed to see.

This was honestly thee book that changed it all for me. It really helped me put everything into perspective and dismantled a lot of illusions I was holding. It’s also the book that I recommend the most because of what it taught me. Anyway I decided to revisit this book and read a bunch of the beginning chapters and highlighted pages I kept marked.

It made me remember that everything that we feel as resistance is really the illusion of trying to control our past and our future timeline. In this way all we have is the present moment, when we’re resisting what IS, we’re trying to control our past or our future which isn’t real.

Eckhart Tolle mentions this fabulous quote to sum it up:

“When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else is madness.” – Eckhart tolle

So the real journey is about honoring our present reality and all that encompasses as a creator. I was reminded of this other quote from A Course in Miracles –

“Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.

Nothing real ( the present) can be threatened.
Nothing unreal ( our past and future) can exist.

This created a nice breakthrough but something even weirder happened.  

I began feeling resistance even stronger and literally started craving the present moment – which created an even worse spiritual conflict. It was like my Higher self was really trying to show me something GOOD.

Later that day, I set the intention “Today I’m going to have a fun day”. Suddenly I decided I needed some change of pace so we went to the book store and I bought The Universe has your Back by Gabby Bernstein. I’ve been wanting to read this book since Christmas but intuitively I just didn’t feel it was time yet so I kept skipping it. Funny to say, I even looked for it in stores repeatedly – and I could never find it.

This literally shows you how everything works in divine timing.

Then by some magical synchronicity – I was watching some youtube videos that evening and stumbled on this video by Gabby (I’m a big gabby fan these days – love her vibe)

Now It’s funny – this 2min clip really sparked my attention so I said the prayer, I wrote down the quote for reference later and moved on.

I was in such a murky state that I didn’t quite get it yet but I asked and sent out the prayer.

Then strangely the next morning I was so upset I told my love that I HAVE to get a break today – I just really need a moment to recharge and process some things. So being the loving, supportive person he is, he took the kids for over 5 hours and I got the house to myself all day.

I ended up sitting outside with the sun basking on my skin and reading the first chapter of The Universe has your back. Then sure enough it was literally the continuation of what I just watched the night before – She talks about the power of presence.

On page 10 she mentions from A Course in Miracles:

“The presence of fear is a sure sign you are trusting in your own strength…separating from love means that you deny the presence of a higher power(the presence of the universe) and learn to rely on your own power to feel safe.” 

It was like a light bulb going off in my mind.

This statement brought me back to ask my guides – “Am I truly relying on my own strength to the point of burnout and unnecessary stress?

So I dug deeper.

THE BIGGEST MIND TRICK OF THEM ALL


When we play the victim in our lives, we only act from what is familiar. So ask yourself – If you’re feeling powerless over your circumstances what would be the projection you create unconsciously as your projected mirror?

Control & Controlling the outcome.

I began to see there was this absurd block I kept experiencing – I would set an intention then little things would come out of the blue but something felt like – I was never quite able to get into that absolute state of  fully receiving. Like the big stuff never showed up, I wasn’t able to complete the projects – everything felt half-baked. I started to wonder – what gives?

I did some mind exploring on this issue and my higher self showed me a few memories – growing up my mom stayed home to raise me while my dad worked hard providing for our family. When she needed something done like a house project – she would say “If we wait for your father, it will be months before it’s finished.” Then she told me something repeatedly everytime my dad would procrastinate,

“If you want something done, you best just do it yourself”.

This limited belief made me into an over-giver to the point where I was stubborn in letting ANYONE help me. This lingering storyline kept showing up for me, especially within my relationships. It began creating a lot of resentment, jealousy and burnout everytime I truly needed help. It felt like I was constantly spreading myself thin, giving back to the point of exhaustion and really just neglecting myself. I’ve been working on consciously changing this but it felt like the storyline kept coming back to show me this.

The reality was this belief “If you want something done, you best just do it yourself” kept replaying in my reality.

So when it came to cleaning the house, getting bills done, taking care of the kids, or any scenario I would always literally repeat this to myself then suddenly get stuck in a resistance cycle.

Then it really dawned on me – by only being supported by my own strength – I blocked out receiving help from everyone including the expansive universal supply.

WHY WE CREATE UNCONSCIOUS SELF-SABOTAGE?


This startling realization really hit like a ton of bricks – oh my god i’ve been creating my own self-sabotage when it comes to receiving my intentions because I’m unconsciously holding them and controlling them with my own strength.

I’m not fully letting them go and trusting in the universe’s limitless power. 

I literally felt the pressure release and the weight start to lift. Suddenly in that moment everything became easier and I was genuinely joyful.

All of this happened because I lost the grip of control and instead asked for help by reciting that prayer. I asked for help from the universe and i asked directly to my love to help me out, I got an amazing all day break to relax, recharge and restore my energy. I truly meditated and read a book, I really released so much unnecessary pressure I was feeling.

All because I got out of my own way and released the illusion of control.

As we play the Projector in our lives – we only desire to unconsciously control our outcomes of the future which creates a replaying movie of our past emotions. This is literally WHY we experience resistance.

If you’re feeling powerless what would you try to do? You would try to control everything and everyone around you because it gives you power and makes your ego feel safe. As the creator it’s the opposite, we learn to guide, strengthen and control our emotions, our senses and our internal mind.

The creator releases controlling externally and internally controls their expansive universe by guiding their thoughts, feelings and actions.

The victim mentality can only project what it knows – being controlled.

So here’s where it gets good.

HOW WE DO THIS WITHIN OUR OWN LIFE

1. Placing Expectations on People

A lot of what we feel negatively from other people is because we’re creating unnecessary, unconscious expectations onto them.

Take this scenario – I kept wanting my kids to clean up their mess to the point where it was stressing me out.

I was so wrapped up in that expectation I didn’t consider maybe trying a different approach would help them more than me commanding them to clean up their toys.

This was a mentality of upbringing from my parents, my parents always yelled about cleaning up – then the belief “if you want something done, you best just do it yourself”. They ended up cleaning up after me and grumping about it.

Isn’t limited beliefs so weird like that?

In fact after that  experience, I decided to make it into a game of how fast we can pick up toys and they could have fun doing it and it mostly works – sometimes 🙂 Other times I’ve really been giving it a “no fucks given” attitude because for me being happy is more important than a clean house – note that lesson took awhile to learn. hehe

My point is if your energetically holding onto someone through expecting a certain outcome from them – you’re not seeing them in their true spiritual light.

I especially think this concept is powerful for romantic relationships such as twin flames and our relationships with our family.

This will automatically bring more peace into all your relationships because you’re letting go of their will and your unconscious desire to control them in any form.

Therefore we need to release our energetic holdings on them, this doesn’t mean they disappear but rather they show up as they are.

  • We release our expectations of how they should act or behave
  • We release controlling how your relationship is created and instead surrender to what it IS – Love
  • We release the need to change a person rather than accept what they are in the moment.
  • We release them to allow them to be themselves and play the part in your life that you need rather than what you *think* you need
  • We’re also releasing our “special” relationship of them – so we can personally find happiness within ourselves.

 

Soul Medicine: Ask yourself – Who am I not Releasing?

Forgive yourself in the process. This is all quite normal. Think about how many people do this all the time without realizing it!

When you are getting stuck in this concept try this mantra I also learned from Gabby –

“I release you, I release you, I release you”

 

2. Trying to Control the Outcome

Here’s where I always get stuck and i’m sure many of us do. Future speak. “What ifs”

You send in the job application but you don’t get the job, you become frustrated because you really wanted *that one* and start to wonder all the what ifs that  could go wrong now.

Then you end up forgetting about it and a few weeks later you land the most amazing job opportunity of your life and it’s even better than the one you were expecting.

This is the power of the universe flowing through us.

When we try to control the outcome of the situation no matter if it’s a house, a job, a relationship or the future in general, We’re forgetting about this miraculous power that we can always tap into within our present reality. The power of now will always set you free because when you are tapped into alignment, you don’t need to rely only on your strength. You can realize the universe has your back with everything you are doing.

This really can take the pressure off of ourselves. Because even if you are manifesting something or your looking for the right solution – you may just be holding onto it a little too tightly to the point where you’re struggling for all the wrong reasons.

Soul Medicine:  Whenever you have a case of Future Speak – Say this out loud:

“I release the outcome, I release my plans, I now surrender to the divine Plan unfolding in all my experiences. Thank you universe”

3. NOT ASKING

If we’re sitting there feeling powerless over our circumstances – we are forgetting we live in this miraculous expansive universe.

Get your mind out of contracted, limited ideas and instead embrace your universe flowing within you.

We are meant to ask as creators because we’re declaring to our personal universe flowing through us.

It’s when we’re not asking for help that we’re usually struggling, staying stuck, unmotivated and generally feel out of alignment with the flow. Start Asking for help – more than likely if you’re not, you need it the most.

I found what was really happening is my mom’s belief of “if you want something done you best just do it yourself cut me off from the full power of receiving.

I kept cutting myself off from abundantly receiving the help I honestly needed. Some things were working great in my life but others weren’t, this was really it.

I wasn’t asking for help in the areas I was being stubborn and thinking I didn’t need it. Solar plexus girl over here. It was only when I truly let go of energetically holding onto it – that a cascade of relief washed over me and everything reorganized to my personal benefit.

Questions are door-openers to the universe.  

Soul Medicine: Get asking!

I recommend doing some basic Question journaling daily to higher self or merely asking questions out loud to the universe.

Get out of trying to hold the world, being stubborn and balancing all bricks (yes I said bricks not eggs) in one basket, Release the weight – Start asking for help! You’re welcome 🙂

THE MORAL OF THE STORY

You are made with an internal support system that you can ALWAYS tap into – The Universe always has our back!

However our ego resistant minds refuse to ask for help because the ego likes to keep it safe,  wrapped in it’s security blanket of control.

The more we hold on to the illusion of control within our past and future, the more we end up unnecessarily struggling and trying to balance the weight of the world on our shoulders.

That’s a lot of unnecessary baggage…

My hope in sharing this vulnerable moment is for you to realize that negative emotions are not bad, it’s really about what perspective we’re choosing to see the negative energy. We don’t have to beat ourselves up – we just need to seek clarity on what is coming to surface.

Our Resistance is the stepping stone to our personal transformation. 

Also what’s even more trippy is after I figured this out, my love lost his keys again we can’t find them anywhere. We’re thinking maybe we just needed to lose the old keys to realize we already have the keys within ourselves.

Then today my son broke another glass…I broke the illusion of control.

And I guess I need to start buying more plastics lol

Alright I know that was a lot of words, thank you so much for reading. I’d love to personally hear what are your soul takeaways from this Mindset Monday topic?

Pop them in the comments below!

 

Ashley
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Ashley

Spiritual Coach & Teacher at The Awakened State
Ashley is the founder of The Awakened State, where she helps others understand the process of Kundalini Awakening through tools, exercises & personal experience. Her mission is to guide others to discover their unlimited potential and how we can move beyond our fears to create New Empowered Paradigms. She teaches others to Dismantle Resistance,Live Beyond Fear and Start Awakening Their Inner Creator. When she’s not blogging,she’s netflixing with her man or playing with her two crazy little ones.
Ashley
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6 Comments
  1. Omni Earth 2 years ago

    Thank you
    So me, especially with laudry…. Stop shrinking my clothes, I’ll just do ALl 6 (or more) peoples clothing myself. You should see the piles ahhhhhhh
    That is only one example
    Thank you thank you thank you

    • Author
      Ash 2 years ago

      oh I hear you girl on the laundry lol You just gotta take it one day at a time and make sure you focus on making yourself happy. that’s really the key 🙂

  2. Audrey Miller 2 years ago

    This has literally been what i have needed to read and hear for a couple months now. I had opened this tab almost a week ago but never found enough time to dive in and focus 110% but on the other hand i was never able (some would say wanting) to close out the tab…even after i had forgot and by force of habit, turned my laptop completely off…I’m so glad, thankful, appreciative that today was the day i read this. Thank you oh so so much for sharing. I would never have imagined that the “need” for control was my issue. But this passage…

    “My point is if your energetically holding onto someone through expecting a certain outcome from them – you’re not seeing them in their true spiritual light.

    I especially think this concept is powerful for romantic relationships such as twin flames and our relationships with our family.”

    … is what opened my eyes. Through out your entire post, i could relate, not one thing was different. I really do not think i could ever thank you enough. The weights that i no longer am caring, that are just instantly gone, how i feel as if i’m dancing on clouds. I truly truly thank you for this, and all your posts. You are absolutely blessed with the gift of teaching and possess wonderful leadership skills. I strive to surround myself with people with very very similar mind sets.

    One last time, thank you. Bless you and your family and please never stop writing.

    • Author
      Ash 2 years ago

      Wow! And to think as I hit send, I was worried it was too many words lol.

      Thank you truly! This message brought tears to my eyes. I’m really happy to hear it helped and gave you tremendous clarity. When we really let go, we just surrender to our joy. That’s the sheer beauty of it. I’ve been reflecting a lot since I wrote this and once I started fully releasing my energetic holdings, my days have been brighter and I’ve been making miraculous progress on my path as a teacher. Embrace your light beautiful soul ♥

    • Azureé 7 months ago

      Omg same with me I had it in my tabs at work and I kept putting it off but lately the key things in this article have been coming up especially this week and yesterday I felt like my spirituality was stagnant. Then today I was talking to someone and I said if I want something done I gotta do it myself, and then right after something told me to read this and when I read the part about your mom my heart dropped… The universe is so amazing this has made me release another limiting belief I was holding on to, and I got the confirmation I needed… that I need to live in the now and surrender, it’s not stagnant if I’m looking in the now!

  3. pd 11 months ago

    thank you, i feel like i might’ve been led to read this.

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