Porn and relationships

hi, I hope you don´t mind that I´m asking you a question… I follow your blog and love everything you reblog/post, maybe you could give me some advice. Sadly I don´t know someone who I could ask this question…
I´m in a relationship (almost 4 years now) and I have a big problem with my breast size. At the beginning my boyfriend and me were such cuties to one another, but after a while we started watching porn and looking at other boys/girls, but we didn´t say something to eachother because we were scared.
In the last few months we both really changed, after starting to live a spiritual life with higher values (e.g. becoming vegan is one of the many changes)and we talked about the things that happened. Now we don´t watch porn anymore, we are very honest to each other now and I belive him.
Althoug I trust him, I´m also very sad about the events that happened and sometimes I have to think about some porno scenes and I just can´t handle it that these are things my boyfriend has jerked off to (me too… but that is another problem). Being in this kind of relationship is very hard because I can´t open my heart 100% anymore… But it isn´t a happy relationship if I can´t to that. I´m so sad about my breastsize and think about it very often.
I would LOVE to handle that better but I just can´t and I´m feeling that this topic is a big problem concerning my spiritual lifestyle. Thinking about my breastsize and some silly pornoscenes seems so stupid to me, but I can´t stop my mind doing that. Also I don´t know how to live in a happy and loving relationship, after these things happened…
Sorry for this long message, I hope you don´t mind. Thank you!
Namaste! Love and light,
Nastja

— neshamaneshamaW

ell firstly when anyone usually asks me for relationship advice, the first thinki am always thinking is why are you talking to me, you need to be talking to him/her about this? Because truthfully like you said honesty goes a long way, that is the only way to truly face your issues is by talking through them. For instance if Adam does something that pisses me off,i willflat out tell him “what you said really hurt me and this is why”  and we’ll discuss our problems. I seriously stand by the statement, Don’t go to bed angry, instead stay up all night working on your problems because it’s sooooo true. Alsoi see this a lot, a lot of relationship issues come down to a couple of things:Falling in love with idea of love instead of the actual person

No honesty

No trust/respect

and most importantly No Communication which creates mindgames

Guys are way more straightforward at least in my experience, if you don’t tell them what is up, they can’t read your mind(well most of them 😉 ) so i think your number 1 issue here is that you need to tell him about this and how it is making you feel and why it is making you feel this way. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and talk through your issues, it’s the only way to fully heal and release them. the more we bottle things within us, one day we just can explode or end up with a blocked throat chakra either one isn’t very pretty.

You say you can’t put your heart in it 100% anymore and you don’t feel happy but is this moreso based from your past  relationship with him or your present relationship with him? I feel like you are gravitating more towards what you experienced in the past with him instead of embracing the present view of eachother. I also see a self-worth issue here which is all about the heart chakra and learning to love yourself.   Also I’m sure we are all guilt of watching porn at some point in our lives but we don’t have to feel ashamed about it now. I know Adam has watched porn when we were dating and i don’t feel jealous of that because so have i at one point or another. I don’t anymore because we live together it’s not necessary. I really feel like porn is just something you watch because you can’t be with your lover at that precise moment but usually during porn you’re thinking about them anyway, am i right or am i right? He’s not sleeping with the Porn star, you ARE his porn star, you’re the one in his bed, so being jealous is truly unnecessary.

I think we’ve talked about this before but you cannot let Porn rule your love life, that is not remotely how it works in the real world, porn is not only very objectifying towards Women but also towards Men. Not every Women looks like a porn star and not every Man looks like a porn star because we are all beautifully unique and have many different shapes and sizes. Even our breasts, vaginas and penises are all different, they are not remotely the same as porn stars, we could go on for hours here comparing but i think that’s a bit tedious. I’m sure your breasts are beautiful, you have to stop comparing yourselves to others and accept yourself as you are!

I had this very same problem for sooo long and ironically Awakening and Pregnancy is what snapped me out of it. I used to fight so much with diet and body image. I actually passed out from not eatting for 48 hours once i was a mess. Over the years after healing I just no longer cared if i was prettier than a celebrity or model, instead i just embraced who i was INSIDE and that’s truly what matters. Because god when i was like 9 months pregnant i felt like a ham i gained about 75lbs but i was so glowing in new Mommyhood that i just felt like a Goddess, a true archetype of the Mother Goddess and it got me thinking about sizes and how even during pregnancy when you’re supposed to be gaining weight people will still criticize you. My dr was actually concerned i was gaining too much but i couldn’t help it i even tried eatting better i still gained weight because guess what i was pregnant. Long story short, even when i was pregnant people are still thinking i need to lose weight, what the fuck? That is how warped society is when it comes to body image. You have to stop listening to them and listen to yourself.

There’s a beautiful quote i always loved, “ Find the Goddess inside yourself, instead of looking for the God in someone else” ~ Francesca lia block

And that is really what comes down to, appreciate everything you are within you. Our body is a shell, a container, a vessel of truth and communication and most importantly our body is love. The more we accept ourselves as we are, the more we find we are perfect with all our imperfections.

I honestly bet if you actually asked your boyfriend how he sees you, he would say you’re his queen, his goddess, his own porn star.

There is nothing to be jealous of but you do need to accept and love yourself for who you truly are, love <3

hope this helps you

love and healing light

Ash

Ashley
Connect
ready for more inspiration?
Subscribe for our bi-weekly Energy Reports, Resources and Tips!
0 Comments

Leave a reply

©2020 The Awakened State. Founder, Ashley Aliff. Terms. Privacy Policy.

CONTACT US

We're not around right now. But you can send us an email and we'll get back to you, asap.

Sending

Log in with your credentials

Forgot your details?

The Awakened State
SHARE YOUR STORY
Have you had a Kundalini Awakening or Spiritual Experience you wish to share?
Submit your own Awakening Story or Spiritual Experience to us!
Contact us below with your submission so we can set up your own personal article on The Awakened State today!
Thank You for submitting! We will contact you soon.
GET IT NOW
Your Name
Your Email
The Awakened State
SHARE YOUR STORY
Have you had a Kundalini Awakening or Spiritual Experience you wish to share?
Join us by submiting your personal stories, revelations, research, artwork, or experience as they connect to the beauty of Awakening
Contact us below with your ideas so we can set up your own personal articles on The Awakened State today!
Thank You for submitting! We will contact you soon.
GET IT NOW
Your Name
Your Email
GET IT NOW
Your Name
Your Email
TAKE ACTION
Your Name
Your Email