Awakening and The Edge of Insanity, Why Am I Losing it?

Awakening & The Edge of Insanity

This is part 1 of our 5 part series: Symptoms of Awakening

Part 1 – {You are Here} Awakening & The Edge of Insanity, Why Am I losing it?
Part 2 – Going into the Abyss: The Dark Night of the Soul
Part 3 – The Transition Phase: Spiritual Bliss to Stagnation
Part 4 – The Threshold: The Beauty of Ego Death
Part 5  – The Divine Creator: Crafting the New Identity

Awakening really can put us on the edge of insanity, but this is the point where things drastically start changing in our reality.

I have been receiving outstanding feedback on my page: Symptoms of Awakening: New Ascension Symptoms Post-2013 into the New Paradigm. So for our next series I thought we’d focus more on coping with the symptoms and the developmental stages of the Ascension Process. This will be a five-part article series on the Awakening Journey!

Awhile Back someone wrote a comment that resonated with me:

“What about the part where you go insane no one ever really explains that”.

Well my friend we’re going to explore the ins and outs of this topic.

One of the most mind-altering times on the path is when you start losing your old identity and the death of the old consciousness. However that in-between phase where you’re straddling both worlds is the turning point on your personal journey.

We enter the Crossroads.

The Awakening process is filled with all sorts of twist and turns. The most crippling is probably when you start to grapple with the feeling of losing your mind, literally and figuratively.

The mind is trying to process multiple realities at once which creates a bizarre dissociation.  Dissociation creates the realization that nothing is real or it creates the opposite, I am officially losing my mind, this is crazy!

Awakening is very real. I am here to tell you,

You are not crazy and best of all you are not alone.

The stages often start out fairly innocent, you suddenly crave silence instead of the tv being background noise. It changes more intensely towards wanting to pick up yoga or meditation classes. Then it begins going deeper, obsession with astral projection, new age books, occult, magick and various spiritual practices.

Suddenly shopping is impossible, eating is a nightmare, new revelations, philosophies pour out of you and most of all you feel a deep disconnection. Illusions begin ripping apart at the seams….The ego shouts for conformity as you begin frantically going into a state of denial and comfort.

You begin to ask yourself:

“How Do I get my old life back? This isn’t what I signed up for…”

Awakening & The Edge of Insanity: Why Am I losing it? - The Awakened State. One of the most crippling times on the path is when you come to terms with losing your old identity and the death of the old consciousness. However that in-between phase where you're straddling both worlds is the turning point on the path. Read More Here


As we begin to shed off layers of conditioning, the mind/Ego is ready to fight back holding onto the past identity. What’s peculiar is not only are you feeling you are losing your identity, suddenly you are disconnected from the world you once knew.

You are suddenly disconnected from your old conditioning and ultimately your old reality you grew up in.

The comfort blanket you held onto is gone, the bubble popped.

This is terrifying, often many in this phase truly contemplate their sanity, some seek counsel or even medicine to help them understand what is going on. It not only becomes a dissociative experience, it creates a loss of identity.

You are shedding lifetimes of old conditioning, that is going to take some time to replace.

The edge of insanity is about the ego being intimidated by the new experiences you are having, although you are also “remembering”.

The reason we feel crazy is this is something completely outside of our everyday experiences. The ego sends up a red flag intimidated that there is something outside of my current reality?

This is the ego starting to lose bearings over your consciousness. This process can feel terrifying and unsettling as your feel torn between the old consciousness of duality and the sudden birth of the new consciousness of singularity.

The things you once loved, you suddenly aren’t interested. The mind begins craving different NEW experiences while at the same time, a resistance builds around not being able to let go of the old self. Realizations may come but your mind is screaming, “I WANT MY LIFE BACK!”

The Identity Crisis phase is when all of this starts to become real, however the mind doesn’t know how to accept the new identity and experiences. Therefore the Resistance of the old energy can create a friction of chaos, where you now feel straddled between two worlds of thought.


Symptoms of Awakening Series: The Death of the old Identity vs the birth of the new evolved consciousness


  • I am suddenly unmaterialistic when I loved shopping!
  • The old obsessions I had with TV shows, watching the news or celebrity gossip bore me
  • I crave nature, silence and solitude
  • I find it harder to conform to society
  • I enjoy new studies such as meditation, yoga, mindfulness, spiritual practices and being more present.
  • I cannot focus on linear time.
  • Sudden visions or messages appear before me.
  • My old friendships keep disappearing. I cannot be around the people I once enjoyed hanging out with…
  • I can no longer stomach toxic behavior or relationships. I want out.
  • I find myself in tears and sad even though I cannot explain why?
  • I feel torn on missing a part of me that no longer exists.

Kundalini Symptoms of Awakening: Identity Crisis


What is basically happening is your mind is waking up to who you truly are, this creates a psychosomatic response which results in direct physiological  changes throughout the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical body.

I began noticing there is a pattern to kundalini awakening. People all tend to have different triggers of experience but the symptoms that accompany kundalini awakening are usually quite similar.

Basically the mind feels like it is losing itself because you are ripping away the old consciousness in place of the new evolved consciousness.

Its creating the death of the old soul.

It sounds crazy because it goes against our normal conditioning patterns that we have developed over time. What happens is the mind essentially recreates itself through the mind. So you think all these things are happening to you but in reality they are more symbolic in nature, almost like a dream. You are waking up from a dream.

So your mind begins deconditioning itself from what you know and many face what is known as the dark night of the soul. The Dark Night of the soul is the point where they face an identity crisis. Everything that once interested them starts dissolving. old relationships, old friendships, interests and various old vibrations start dying and the soul urges itself to look inward. It is common to experience this during the process.

Often this can create a state of dissociation where the mind begins facing unconscious wounds that are connected towards our soul blueprint.

Once we start facing these wounds, we trigger the subconscious long-term memory and start activating these hidden strands of dna where we begin remembering who we truly are as conscious beings having a human experience.

Awakening and the edge of insanity: Why am I losing it?

As we transition through the ascension process we are letting go of old thought patterns, old friendships, old relationships, old jobs, all these karmic ties are severing because they no longer match your vibrations.  While the emotional aspects are terrifying at first, this is actually positive in form.

Your mind is releasing the old identity to enter the stage of renewal.

Technically you aren’t really having an identity crisis, you’re finding yourself by digging into your subconscious long-term memory 😉

We must think of it as if you are straddling two different worlds or conflicting realities at once. In a normal human who isn’t awakened this can lead to insanity which is often misunderstood. However during Kundalini awakening we must find the connection between the two worlds, merging them together as one.

The old transforms into the new.

The good news is this will pass in time!

For some it can take years to come to grips with this connection while for others it can take only months. An Awakening is different for every person, although many symptoms are similar the subjective experience may be different as each soul has a different path to take.


The best way to deal with these thoughts of identity crisis, is to stop resisting the new energy coming in.

Push through the resistance. 

How do we do that? We have to be receptively open towards surrendering to our emotional experiences.

This happens through Acceptance, forgiveness and processing our emotions through observation.

If you think about when you are upset, you are stewing in your emotions of the past: “this shouldn’t happen, why did I do that, I shouldn’t of said that…” When you do that, you are resisting the present growth of the experience.

Okay what happens is the more you resist, the more the universe is going to give you that energetic lesson of your past. a sad person is going to stay sad until they CHOOSE to let go of being sad. Simple but extremely effective.


To surrender means to let go completely of the old identity. This is imperative towards the soul’s expansion.

When you’re a teenager you can try to fight becoming a teen by doing childlike things like playing with dolls or throwing fits. However at some point you have to embrace the surrender of new experiences that come with growing up.

This is what the Ascension process is like, the old soul is dying…death isn’t always pretty but it’s essential towards new beginnings. The more you are in a state of mourning your past identity of the old consciousness, the more you will resist the new energy coming through. This is what creates the polarized identity crisis. Torn between two worlds the old identity and the new one. We must Let go of our past identity.

So the best way to cope with this is by surrendering to these experiences.

It is also a good idea to understand what is happening is real and isn’t just you losing your mind which is a common problem many face. A big comfort is by doing your own research through understanding what is happening to you, relating to others experiences{you are never alone} and connecting with people of similar minds who are experiencing what you are.

It’s the death of the ego losing bearings over your consciousness.

However the only way  to make this process smoother you have to STOP RESISTING.

We must accept, let go and surrender to it. Otherwise…if you’re resistant towards change, it’s going to be a very bumpy ride.

When it comes to the Ascension symptoms, I think we really need someone to tell us calmly:

“it’s okay, RELAX, sit back and enjoy the ride” 🙂

Symptoms of Awakening series Part 2:
Going into the Abyss: Dark Night of the Soul



Spiritual Coach & Teacher at The Awakened State
Ashley is the founder of The Awakened State, where she helps others understand the process of Kundalini Awakening through tools, exercises & personal experience. Her mission is to guide others to discover their unlimited potential and how we can move beyond our fears to create New Empowered Paradigms. She teaches others to Dismantle Resistance,Live Beyond Fear and Start Awakening Their Inner Creator. When she’s not blogging,she’s netflixing with her man or playing with her two crazy little ones.
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  • Ana Conchinha

    Hi. I’m new here. I’ve recently started the awakening process and it has been quite hard to concentrate on my academics. I started to fail on my exams and I’m so obsessed with this new reality that I can’t think about anything else. These past few days I have even kind of lost my appetite. Now I don’t know what I should do about my life – if I should pause my studies and re-establish myself first or push it and try to make the best of it. What do you think? Thank you.

    • J

      Depending on how far you go in your awakening, you may find you won’t want to learn from such a controlled platform ever again…

      • Paul

        Well put. It is horrendous.

  • Liberty

    I have been hearing raps ( knocking on the walls, things around me like mirror, door handle, printer, etc….. ) since June 2017. The raps/knocking and noises from the environment are connected to my smallest thoughts/ idea.. they will appear at the very end of my thoughts.
    Even my stomach will make sounds at the end of my thoughts. Tingling in different sites of my body at the very end of my thoughts.
    Also, I can make my laptop/ cellphone monitor blink… electrical things noise getting bigger, etc2…..
    I also hear electrical and buzzing sound at the background especially at night.

    How to get out of it.. ? Please help.. I just want to get back to normal… I am trying to get busy as I can and trying to not notice it but it is very hard..
    Will this pass entirely without any residual psychic symptoms ?????????? Please answer…..!!!!

    • Ash

      First off breathe, it’s going to be okay. What is happening is often our frequency is vibrating very high and our normal perception is not used to this change so it creates the root to go into fight/flight mode. This change in vibration at first seems very uncomfortable because you’re not used to it. Over time these feelings will integrate and it won’t feel like electronics are gonna blow up. The best thing you can do is start learning to get centered through grounding the root chakra, I recommend grounding through protein and root veggies, I also recommend nature walks or just merely sitting down and doing a grounding meditation where you visualize yourself connecting your legs to the roots of the earth like a tree. What you need to do is get all that energy grounded and centered this will help disable the feelings of being like a rollercoaster of emotion. I recommend chakra work if you’re familiar with that, and I highly suggest opening up to a spiritual practice where you can start tuning into your body more. This will not only help you get more comfortable with the changes but you’re start to be aware. Also ask your guides to help you out and tune it down for you!

      Hope that helps you Liberty

      • Paul

        Stop talking all that space y shit. There are desperate people here who are hanging on to life and who need your help. Most of us are from a western background. We know nothing about chakras. And the fucking guides don’t help at all.

    • Paul

      I hear these as well, though for me it usually comes in the form of ghostly stone throwing at my window at night. Sorry to say, you won’t be going back to normal. Ever. This is the hardest thing to take. I watch TV shows I used to watch before the nightmare started. They help me visualise my old life a little, and sometimes I shed a tear or two. My nightmare started in 2013, so yours isn’t going away any time soon. But contrary to the shit they pump out in churches, our ‘loving Creator’ really doesn’t give a fuck about our predicament.

  • DQ1963

    I am 54. I have struggled against what I “should” do vs what I felt called to do since I was a teen. I have continually “towed the line” of conformity, but it has come at the cost of my health and sanity (bipolar.) Am I super-resisant to awakening? Or just bloody insane?

  • Chelsea Hui

    Trying to make sense of what’s going on…

    A few nights ago I had a very vivid dream. It first started off with myself and others at a luau show (I am from Hawaii and used to perform at shows dancing in the Hawaiian arts.) In my dream I felt very present. I arrived to the show unprepared. I told myself I could pull through and remember the moves. I performed and made it through the night uneasily. Suddenly I was immediately taken to an open field. The grass greener than ever. sky and clouds looked almost too perfect.
    I could feel and see the presence of family and friends around me like a gathering or celebration. From the get go i felt as if i needed to hide, a feeling of disbelief even though nothing happened yet. I saw two vehicles (vans) and entered one to hide. I crouched behind the seat and started to play with something that resembled soft/flaky chalk (white/purple).
    I looked up and realized a man was looking for me, he found me and said “he’s looking for you, he’s going to come and get you..” I didn’t want to go. As i looked In front of me, difectly infront of the van, faced the other vehicle. The other man was standing there. He spotted me. He came and told me ” its time…you need to go.” He grabbed my had and lead me to a room (wonderous looking bathroom) located on the field.
    A feeling of uneasiness, anticipation, and disbelief set in. Soon i could feel an intense vibration from within. While inside, i could visually see a blinding bright white almost slivery gold sphere decending from the sky. It floated down to earth, directly outside the (1st) door to the bathroom. I was stunned, in total shock! Behind me was another (2nd) door that looked upon my family. Among them my mother whom I heard say, “oh my! It chose her! Look! Oh!.” I could also hear others murmmering the same.
    Suddenly, I turned to face the sphere and this indescribable force/sphere entered my body it was big. I looked down and was wearing the whitest formal robe. I began to levitate. The force guided me out the 1st door. I had little to no control over my body. But could control my mind (in and out). I floated in front of a round-rock pit formation. By then everyone had gathered and circled me. The forced leaned me forward almost as if it wanted to show my face to everyone and spun me around and back. Everyone was looking in what felt like praise to me. Whispering…ooooohs and ahhhhhs.
    In a split second I fell backwards and still floating was dragged in the opposite direction. I could see my family getting farther away. It’s like my conscious self had awoken and gained control. I lifted up my finger and said, “wait!” No, I accept but I don’t accept…i mean, I knew this would happen but not now. I’m not ready I’m too young.” Idk how I “knew” what was happening, but I spoke as if I did. By then my family and everyone had reached me. I tried to stand but had no control. I asked my daughter and mother to help me stand. As i looked just in front, a sickening cliff at my feet. Further the vast glassy ocean. The sun was shining and it’s Ray lit my face. I looked up to the sky and said, “I’m not ready.” I finally woke up.
    I have never had a dream this intense. Let alone remember it so vividly. I’ve always felt a connection to my higher self and consider myself a believer. I’ve had visitation dreams from close relatives and even a dream of myself performing an exorcism.
    I always feel things happen for a reason. I’m trying to make sense of things. When I tried to interpret this dream in general I’ve never known what my true calling was. Always felt like something was missing. It feels as thought I was almost taken to heaven to carry out something. But was not ready and did not understand the situation. It also gave me the feeling like I needed to become more involved in the teaching. I know it’s a lot. If you are able to shed some light for me I would really appreciate your insights. 💖

  • Sakib

    “it’s okay, RELAX, sit back and enjoy the ride”

    Sounds like you’re describing something else. 🙂

    Also you forgot the part where you get attacked by jinn as they’re attracted to your energy.

  • Nikki Uptain

    I’ve had things going on so I decided to do some research and found this and it described everything that I’m gojng through. I thought I was going to have to be admitted I thought I was goin crazy. But after reading this I have a better understanding.

  • Paul

    You talk utter nonsense. Absolute crap, I really want to slap you out of your delusion. Let me inform others of the reality of this kundalini shit as opposed to your sanitized version. It is AWFUL! When those energies come, I want to murder someone. Because you see, I have to go through it all alone. I have to preserve the delicate feelings of my loved ones, so I can’t talk to them about it. No, I have to bottle it all up and it’s driving me insane! The energies are also hollowing me out, rendering me empty on the inside which pushes me towards comfort eating and drinking. Let me tell you of this sick kundalini mind-fuck. I went through 10 years of chronic illness trauma. In 2006 I ended up on dialysis for six years. The guilt of eventually gaining a transplant from a cadaveric donor threw up its own issues that I had to deal with. Then a few months later I contracted shingles. I started drinking heavily, but GET THIS, I overcome it with an iron will. Through it all, I COPED! I was used to coping.
    Then this kundalini shit started on its own on 2013. Ever since, I have experienced severe anxiety and depression, and I’ve started drinking again, because I CAN NO LONGER cope! I feel threatened, like my very life is at stake. And because my father has had depression all his life, he REFUSES to believe I have it. I thinks I am trying to compete with him in the misery stakes, BUT I AM NOT! I want his help! I am trying to be strong for everyone else but nobody gives a shit. I have took this nightmare upon my shoulders alone for FIVE years. Well no more. By the end of this summer I will be gone out of this life.

    You people talk utter crap about kundalini. It is truly diabolical.

    • Ash

      If you are legitimately hurting please seek help and counsel, that sounds more than just a kundalini awakening. That sounds like trauma that needs help and understanding. We can ALWAYS choose to manage our vibrations and it does help by working with the chakras, daily spiritual practice and meditation such as this one. Meditation can definitely help reduce stress levels and anxiety as it helps the mind find stillness. If you are doing all of the above and it’s not helping, I definitely recommend seeking counsel, even just talking to someone can help.
      Here is the heart opening meditation.

      FYI please do not spam others or your account will be blocked. Thank you for understanding.

      • Paul

        Who do I talk to? My GP? Yeah, I really think he will ‘get’ kundalini. My parents? Forget it. Already tried that. It made my mother ill and my father got very angry and called me a liar. What about the parish priest? Tried that too, on three occasions. He was useless, and on the third occasion he put me in touch with his exorcist friend on the phone…who promptly told me to see my GP. So you see, I feel that the life I knew has been stolen from me, and I have fallen down the cracks in the middle where I am expected to sink or swim. Well I am sinking.

        Stop pushing meditation to me, it doesn’t work for me.

        • Paul

          Ash, I apologise for my terrible attitude yesterday. I was out of order. It was a difficult day. I always get the more intense energies entering me on or around a full moon, and it is really hard for me on those days. This morning the energies have been different. They have been blissful and soothing. I have spent most of the morning barefoot, just allowing the energies to pass through me. I also noticed the effects of negative energy on my body. I happened to turn the TV on and some people were arguing on one of them daytime shows. I instantly experienced violent stomach pains as my vibrational level dropped to my stomach.

          Once again, I apologise.

          • Ash

            Paul I deeply appreciate that and I understand sincerely. It can be very difficult to deal with all of these changes that happen to us. it took me a long time to really get over my anxiety sometimes it still comes up but I’ve also learned to question my resistance. The problem is that we give so much of our power to fear when we don’t have to, it’s a choice and sometimes it takes a kick in the pants to get that too. i’ve also learned it extremely helps to talk to other like-minds so you don’t feel so alone. Fb groups have been a godsend for me for that reason. there are also other forums out there still too. But in general connecting with others can be huge for our growth and well-being.

            Once I realized that i wasn’t the only one feeling this way, it was easier to relate, to communicate my feelings to people who understand me(because believe me, my parents don’t get it either lol but i’m okay with that – how could they? ) and also to just relax more into this way of being. because somedays it CAN be hard being sensitive can be a curse or a blessing but i’ve also learned that we are one in control of our energy. That is why I suggested the meditation or I think in the past, i’ve suggest the challenges I created because they both teach us that we’re the ones in control of our energy. And gratitude and switching our focus DOES help very easily.

            I’m not here to dictate to you, I’m here to say I get it because I’ve been there and it does get better, truly. but #1 get in check with your energy body and talk to others, it will help so much.
            Peace and blessings ♥

  • Michelle Kolodziejczyk

    I went through what I thought was a spiritual awakening years ago, that was a dark and lonely time in my life… the worst of it lasting 6 months where I learned to meditate and walk in nature and talk to the angels and the universe and I thought I had found my inner serenity – I thought this was my identity. It continued for what I thought to be another year but now since 4 months ago, I’ve definitely entered awakening stage. My old identity, all my closest relationships have vanished. This is OK but the part that freaks me out and makes me question my sanity is that I’m no longer interested in going within because all I feel is fear. I’m no longer interested in my nature walks, I no longer feel connected and my angel signs have and dreams have vanished also. I’m more geared towards the material world than I have been in a long time but I’m finding neither route brings me any comfort. I feel like a shell of a person and it scares me to think that I imagined my life and that I imagined what I thought to be my previous awakening. I don’t know what’s real anymore but I write everyday to keep some part of me sane.

    • Ash

      Michelle drawn towards the material world is a sign that you are seeking more grounding and root chakra balancing. It will be okay. A big aspect of Awakening is bridging both worlds together, the spiritual and the material world. If we feel imbalanced from one or the other, we need to get reconnected and snap back into our body.

      sometimes we can get too ‘in our heads’ and as a result our intuition or third eye is overactive which can make us ‘feel’ shut off from our angels but we’re NEVER disconnected. it’s just an illusion of perception, you can always ask for guidance and direction.

      So your soul medicine is to seek more grounding activities:
      walk in nature
      eat enough proteins and root veggies
      Connect with others
      Do Physical activities that snap you back into the body, a simple one I do is jumping jacks lol it works though!
      do mundane things that bring us back into connecting with the earth like washing dishes. water is grounding too!

      But especially Connect with others.
      Stop giving fear control over your life, your light will always be stronger.

      • Michelle Kolodziejczyk

        Hi Ash,

        In fact most of my day consists of trying to be grounded and I used to love to spend time in nature but now when I go to the park, I feel so shut out by the universe. I no longer have that awe for nature i no longer feel the magic and comfort I had always felt from a young age.

        I feel this new identity is a cold identity but maybe my lesson to learn as I always gave all of myself to others and had nothing left for self love at the end of the day. I have no more room for anger or resentment just emptiness. I am in a void stage that’s somewhere between and its very stagnant and boring.

        • Ash

          well if that’s the case that sounds only like a piece of that is about grounding and more about fulfillment. seeking things that light you up more, if we’re always giving to other people, we’re drawing from an empty cup. Even if it’s 5-10 minutes of doing something you enjoy or relaxing or asking yourself what is important to you. What are your values? That will help you find more fulfillment.

          • Michelle Kolodziejczyk

            I don’t even know what my values are anymore. Everything I’ve ever believed in seems false now….. the anger is back today and I’m just stuck.

          • Ash

            Okay if this is how you feel, Then let’s get you unstuck. It sounds a bit to me, like you’re just disconnected from your higher self, when we feel like we’re neglecting our own center, it feels a bit like we don’t know what to really believe or see because we’re expending a ton of energy onto everyone else. this is all about tuning in to our intuition and inner guidance and reconnecting/recharging into our center or what i call home frequency. Saying you’re stuck can keep you stuck. The easiest way to get unstuck is to realize it’s a choice to be stuck. It’s like putting our blinders on when we don’t have to. Start shifting the mindset by connecting back to higher self. Anger is actually a moving energy, so if we just accept the anger, sit in it a moment like literally be in it and be grumpy and be okay with feeling grumpy, rather than beat ourselves up, we can move through it faster. resistance is what keeps us stuck because you are not allowing yourself to breakthrough to fully release it. it’s really cool!

            For instance, here’s a quick way to do this following the article i gave you about higher self.

            “I recognize I am out of alignment, I call on my higher self to guide me to welcome in peace of mind’.

            My advice about fulfillment and values are
            The fastest way to get out of resistance is to do something different,
            A journal prompt that helps us identify what is important to us. because it sounds like to me, you just need to vent out some excess energy. 🙂

            It is important for me to be _______________

            repeat until you have about a pages worth.
            This will help clear your head. Write down whatever else comes up.

            Sending love ♥

          • Michelle Kolodziejczyk

            Thank you Ash. I’ve stopped focusing on others which is what is making me feel cold, I’ve never been one to know how to focus on myself. On the other hand the one thing I kept through this process is journaling. In fact I journal like a mad person 3 times a day sometimes.

          • Ash

            keep doing that! That is your soul saying, let’s work together. That will help you connect and tune in. Also do the Question exercise from the article I gave you. :o) Hope things get better for you lovely ♥

            p.s. since you love journaling, let’s crack this open. Ask higher self. What is the easiest way I can start focusing more and more on myself and put myself first for the highest good? journal on what comes through ♥

  • Rick van Cleave

    Hi Ash, i actually got your post mixed up with Michelle’s story. I am still interested in other peoples story and sorry about any negative side affects anyone may be experiencing fortunately for me i only lost mt job in which i have a better one

    Hi Michelle,

    You are very Wise i had mine nearly a year ago and I managed to find enough info and held to that I was not delusional i look forward to your future insight i have found many wise people like you and I am reminded that I am child to this

  • Rick van Cleave

    Hi Michelle, when I had mine it was not that thought I had one–I know I had one but everyone is on their own path to understanding themselves. I was fortunate that i don’t live near family and it was all positive

  • Ann Jones

    Hi Michelle, I’m terrified. I just found your site and I feel a slight sense of relief. Every person in my life/work is pretty convinced I’m insane or at the very least bipolar. My whole perspective on life changed 18 months ago and now i can find a common thread with anyone. It all started when I was looking at a very old photograph of to Western men standing by a small mountain in the West. It was black and white. I love old photos so I zoomed in to look at the mountain behind them and realized it was Buffalo skulls. My whole conception being a patriotic American crippled me. It opened my eyes to what really happened back in the Indian days. I am 54 and can honestly say I had no idea, maybe because I didn’t want to look into it at an earlier age. But there it was in my face and it has changed everything. I did start meditation a few weeks ago. I don’t even know what to say. I just feel so lost.


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