Around 7 months ago I was running in a marathon in Sicily, my second one in 2015. I had been doing some basic meditations from youtube for a few weeks beforehand and reading about the chakras, so I had been meditating to focus on my solar plexus to give me some extra power on the day.
Around 8km before the end (traditionally the point where the dreaded ‘wall’ is looming when the glycemic reserves are depleted) I just visualized my solar plexus chakra spinning and tried to breathe steady.
Then I felt a powerful golden/ yellow light come down through my crown chakra from above and it literally charged me with incredible energy. All of a sudden I felt this immense power from within and I knew I’d have no problem at all finishing. Rather than sprint, I kept a steady pace as I wanted to enjoy this new found power.
Crossing the finish line was such an amazing experience as I didn’t feel totally wiped out and was able to enjoy the feeling of achievement. Something profound happened that day as I felt an enormous sense of connection with something much more powerful than myself. I also felt very grateful for this wonderful experience.
When I got back home to London to work I just got the idea to do a Reiki course. This idea literally popped into my head out of nowhere as I was interested in the idea of energy and healing. I did Reiki Level 1 and 2, this kick started something pretty momentous!
I did Reiki on myself every day after receiving the attunements and gradually started to build a really lovely relationship with myself which I’ve never had before.
For years I’ve had severe mental health issues with major depression, anxiety and I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder where I was taking every medication under the sun. In addition to this I’ve had years of psychotherapy, psychoanalysis but nothing really worked. Until I started doing Reiki I’d not had a full year of mental stability without some breakdown of sorts.
I’m totally med free now for the past 8 weeks and welcome my feelings and emotions as they are MINE! It’s only been 8 weeks but so much has happened since then, everything is changing at such a lightening speed.
Every day I get some profound insights and I feel I am growing so much. Things are landing in my space that seem to correspond with what I need at that moment, books, articles and even people!
For years I felt worthless, disconnected, fearful and afraid to reach out and connect with people out of fear of rejection. I’ve been going to different spiritual classes and just meeting random people who seem to be just the sort of people I want to meet.
I’m seeing signs on billboards, buses etc that echo what I am thinking. I hear song lyrics that are what I’m thinking. More importantly, I have figured out that I want to try to find a way to live my life in a way that is in service to others.
I’ve applied for a healing course at a college I’d love to go to. I know I will get a place if that is the best thing for me to do. This may change as I am going to Peru on an Ayahuasca retreat in September 🙂
I’m going alone which is a huge deal for me but I feel like I am being called. My family is very much against me going but I don’t even feel like I have a choice. Something seems to be pulling me in a certain direction and intuitively I know this is for my higher good – so I am just going along for the ride!
It’s not all sunshine and unicorns by any means as this whole process has brought up a huge amount of stuff for me with my family and control issues – they don’t really know what to make of the “new me”. I am standing up for myself and refuse to live my life in accordance with what other people want me to do. They have been accustomed to me taking direction and keeping quiet about the things that upset me but this is impossible for me to do now.
I FEEL I’VE BEEN HIDING INSIDE MYSELF
The only way I can describe it is like I’ve been hiding inside myself for my whole life as I didn’t feel good enough, didn’t want to cause any fuss or inconvenience. I compromised myself so much as I didn’t feel I had a voice.
Now it feels like I am shedding layers and layers of conditioning and limiting beliefs that have held me back. I actually like what I am seeing as I realize I am a pretty decent human being, worthy of love. I’ve come to realize that there was nothing wrong with me mentally – I am just highly sensitive, intuitive and empathetic to the point where I took on everyone else’s feelings and emotions. Rather than see this as a curse and a hindrance, I now see this as an amazing gift!
This will help me be a better healer so I am determined to hone my intuition so I can develop these skills. All I have ever wanted is harmony, peace and for people to be happy. This sounds very cheesy but it is true!
All I need to do is stay focused and try to not fall back into my negative self beliefs – I stopped beating myself up a few months ago and am very conscious of treating myself with kindness.
I’m not sure what intention I am setting for the retreat in Peru yet but it may be to find some inspiration as to the best way for me to be of service. I do feel a draw to help people with mental health problems, in particular depression. Something is telling me that many people worldwide are getting diagnosed with “mental health” problems and having serious medication thrown at them to keep them quiet. I wonder how many of them are just having symptoms of awakening, they just don’t know what they are or how to cope.
It makes me really sad to think of people’s spirits getting sapped with these meds just so they can ‘cope’. I’d love to try to find a way to help or reach these people somehow 🙂